How Not to Waste the Good Times Just Waiting for the Bad Ones

Ever had a stretch of time – a whole week, maybe even a few weeks – where things just… feel pretty good?

Your pain is lower. Your energy is decent. You’re actually getting stuff done. You're seeing friends. You’re making plans. You’re in it. You're living.

And then, somewhere in your head, a thought creeps in:

“This is going too well… how long before it all crashes?”

If you live with chronic illness, that thought might feel almost automatic. Like your brain just won’t let you enjoy a good patch without reminding you that it could all disappear tomorrow.

Here’s the good news, you’re not negative, broken, or weak — your nervous system is doing exactly what it was trained to do. And once you understand what’s going on inside your brain and body, you can start to gently retrain it.

The Neurobiology of Bracing

Most of us with long-term health conditions are used to life feeling uncertain. We’ve been knocked flat by symptoms before – often without warning. So when things start going right, we get nervous. Our brains go into protective mode:

“Don’t get too excited.”

“Don’t plan too far ahead.”

“Don’t let your guard down.”

It’s like wearing an emotional seatbelt – just in case. You don’t want to get caught off guard, so you tense up, stay alert, and keep yourself emotionally prepared for things to go wrong again. And while that might have helped us cope in the past – helped us stay safe and sane when things were unpredictable – it can also rob us of something really important; the chance to actually enjoy our lives when things are going well.

This pattern is deeply rooted in how the brain and body respond to trauma and prolonged stress. When you live with a chronic illness, your nervous system often stays in a heightened state of alert, scanning for danger, because it's learned that the world – or your body – can be unpredictable.

According to trauma research, including work like The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the body literally stores memory of past pain and health crises. When you've had repeated episodes of illness, flares, or medical emergencies, your brain links feeling good with vulnerability – because in the past, that’s often when things went wrong. The amygdala (your brain’s fear centre) lights up easily, trying to protect you from another crash. Even if nothing’s wrong, your brain is primed to assume there might be. It’s not you being negative – it’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

Neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to change – means you can rewire this.

By regularly reminding your nervous system that it’s safe to feel good, grounding yourself in the moment, and letting joy be felt in your body (not just your mind), you start to lay new neural tracks. This might look like placing a hand on your heart and saying, "It’s safe to enjoy this moment," or noticing five things around you that feel peaceful or pleasant. These small practices help the brain relearn that safety and pleasure can coexist. Over time, this softens the grip of fear and makes room for real joy.

Let Yourself Enjoy the Good

You don’t have to do all the things. You don’t have to clean the entire house, solve all your problems, or run five years’ worth of errands just because your body is finally cooperating. You’re allowed to just be in it – to enjoy the sunshine, go to a cafe, take a walk, binge a show, go on a little trip, or start something new.

You’re allowed to:

• Make plans (yes, really!)
• Feel happy without guilt
• Trust the version of yourself that exists when you’re well

And you don’t have to keep looking over your shoulder. You don’t have to question every good moment, waiting for it to be taken away. You don’t need to constantly scan for warning signs, or talk yourself out of hope just in case things shift again. Let yourself exhale. You are allowed to enjoy this season for what it is, even if it’s temporary. Because all seasons are temporary – and that doesn’t make them any less real, or any less worth soaking up.

But What If I Crash?

You might. You also might not.

One of the hardest things to accept about chronic illness is that you can’t always predict it. It can be unpredictable, inconsistent, and frustratingly out of your control. One day you're managing fine, the next you're in bed for three. That uncertainty can make it tempting to always be on guard, scanning for signs, bracing for the moment it all falls apart. But constantly expecting a crash doesn’t prevent it – it just steals joy before anything’s even gone wrong. It robs you of the peace and pleasure you could be feeling now, in this moment, when things are okay.

And if things do wobble again – you'll handle it. You always do. You’ve done it before, even when it was hard, even when you didn’t think you could. You’ve picked yourself back up after disappointment, flares, hospital visits, and cancelled plans. You know what to do. You have tools, experience, and resilience. So while it’s natural to worry, try not to let that worry steal the present. Trust that if things shift again, you’ll meet it with the same strength and self-compassion you’ve shown before.

Try This

When you notice yourself spiralling into “it’s too good to last” thinking, say to yourself:

“Right now, I feel good. This is allowed. I don’t need to earn it, fix it, or fear it.”

You can even write it down or pop it in your phone as a reminder. Because it’s easy to forget: Not every moment of feeling good needs to be justified or doubted.

These little reminders are how you start to rewire the fear. It’s not about ignoring reality – it’s about giving your nervous system a new one to lean into.

This is Adulting Well

Living with chronic illness means learning to hold two truths: your health might fluctuate, and you still get to enjoy your life in full colour. Even when your body feels uncertain or inconsistent, you are allowed to feel joy, plan things you’re excited about, and fully participate in life.

You’re not required to be symptom-free or completely stable to feel good about where you are. That’s a myth we’ve all been sold — that health must be perfect before happiness is allowed. In reality, embracing joy when it shows up, even during imperfect health, is a powerful act of healing in itself.

You’re not doing anything wrong by enjoying yourself. You’re not tempting fate. You’re not in denial. You’re just Adulting Well – and that’s something to celebrate.

P.S.

Adulting Well was started to give people, just like you, more knowledge so you could make the best choices possible – even with chronic illness.

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